he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
