they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
