I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
