Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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