In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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