I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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