he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
