so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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