last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
