My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
