Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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