The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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