Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
