Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
