Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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