***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Barsexuality is the new black.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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