I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
