i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
