he puts the penis in happiness.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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