Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
