dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
