i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
