I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
