walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize