What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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