We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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