so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
