Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
