just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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