Having a random hookup so left but love u
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
