Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
