Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize