dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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