it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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