I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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