The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize