hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
