i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
