I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize