This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
