If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
