The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
