and you said cock pushups were impossible
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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