if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
