I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
