You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
