Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
