VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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