Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
