I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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