i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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