then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
