READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A+ Viking dick
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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