have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need to calm my uterus...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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