Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
