It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
