I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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