Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
