It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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