Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
