Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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