It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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