dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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