My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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