You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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