I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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