Nicole vs. Life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
